Showing posts with label Beyonce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Beyonce. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

three against one (six, counting humans and chickens) or raccoon returns with friends

Detroit: It is a nice quite town, no sign of gang attacks. I had a relatively quiet weekend, relaxed, ate, shopped, showered (for a wedding), and slept.


Minneapolis: Gang of three raccoons tried to devour chickens, but for the help of their loyal guardian, Beyonce (and sons #1 & 2, and random niece). 

4:30am:  On a relatively quiet night, in a relatively quiet neighborhood, all hell broke loose as the Raccoon Three, complete with masks, switch blade claws which they maneuver faster than the most adept opposing thumbs, and chemical warfare, slip quietly into the backyard home of Bel & Cleo. It is thought that this was a gang initiation. The youngest of the three was sent to make the attack.


The Beyonce, Guardian Dog knew something was askance and the three humans followed her out the door.


Beyonce shoots into action, while two of the Raccoon Three stayed in the tree watching and the third, hovered around the coop. Witnesses said Beyonce was able to leap tall buildings (the chicken coop) in a single bound. She leaped over the coop and attacked that raccoon. The raccoon was screaming and Beyonce had full control with her mouth around it. She shook the raccoon and landed it on the deck. By this time it could barely move. It lay on the deck, wounded but still breathing it crawled toward the tree where his homies were watching. Son #1 tried to get Beyonce in the house but she took off after that raccoon and shook it till it died at the foot of the tree with the two in the tree ready to pounce. 

After the kill she was covered in blood; son #1 brought her inside to assess the injuries but found none.

Meanwhile, after Beyonce was in the care of son #1, son #2 attempts to rescue Bel and Cleo. They were safely tucked in their nesting box the whole time. He took Cleo inside to the porch for the rest of the night and came back out to darkness in the backyard. Still nervous about the two raccoons in the tree, he made his way to rescue Bel while random niece uses her camera to flash light at the raccoons to make sure they stayed treed while the chickens are rescued and brought to safety.

I return from Detroit at midnight. Two chickens greeting me at the door in the porch where they have spent the last 4 nights. Daytime home is still the backyard. 

By the way, they continue to lay eggs. They know they are safe with Beyonce.

P.S.: Rumors of Beyonce being pregnant are not true.  



Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Dog is not a chicken!

Once again, the raccoon strikes. This time the fight was intense, but Beyonce the Chicken Guardian stood her ground to protect her flock. Now let's go to a live interview with the heroine and the girls she saved.

Kluks: Cleo, can you tell us what happened in your own words?

Cleo: bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk

Kluks: ok, ok, how about in human words?

Cleo: I just bawk, flew out the nesting box door when I heard that vermin coming. bawk, I have been there, done this. bawk bawk, I wasn't going to let that vermin get me again. bawk. guess you might say I flew the coop, bawk bawk.

Kluks: so you left Bel in the box?

Cleo: Bawk, bawk. I figured she follow me.

Kluks: Bel, tell us what happened when the raccoon came into the box.

Bel: Well, Bawk, I screemed bloody murder bawk bawk. Next thing I know the guardian dog came barking something fierce, Bawk bawk. And the ugly monster turned and ran out the door. Bawk bawk.
Kluks: So your saying Beyonce saved you?

Bel: Bawk bawk, Yes I guess she did. and then she came and checked to make sure we were ok. Bawk bawk, I was so scared, bawk, chicken , you might say, but I feel better bawk knowing that our guardian is here for us bawk bawk.

Kluks: Well that's the chicken story now let's hear from our heroine.  Beyonce, what is it about you that makes do this?

Beyonce: Rell, RI ron't row. RI rust ron't ru ree ra rirls ret urt. Reir ry ramiry rand ru rake rare orf ramiry.

Kluks: Ran ru, I mean can you tell us what happened out there?

Beyonce:  RI Reared ra rirls rying ror rhlp ro RI rot ry ruman ru ret re out. RI ran around ra roop and rure erough rere ras rat rermin arain. Ruoooo.

Kluks:and what rid ru roo, I mean what did you do?

Beyonce: RI rumped orn rat rermin, rand ripped rim rover. RI rade rots rof roise rarking rand ervry ring. RI rot ra rew rood rites rin rand rhe rot re. ree, right rere arove re eye. arrhooo. RI rwon rough. RI rased rim right rout rof rere.

Kluks: The chickens think your something special. they don't know why, but you take care of them. Can you tells us why you do it?

Beyonce: Re rew rup rogether. Rand RI ron't ret rany rermin ret rhose rirls. rand RI ram ra rood righter.

Kluks: So how are you feeling today after fighting off that raccoon?

Beyonce: Rell, RI rhad ru ro ru ra roctor rand RI rhink re ruck re rin ra rut. RI ron't row rhough, ry ruman ras ratching re  rehind ra ears. RI rove rit rhen rhe roes rhat.

Kluks: And rhat's rhe rway rit ris. Rood right.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Beyonce, Chicken Gaurdian saves the night.

It has been way too long since I posted, apologies aside, Bel & Cleo made it through the winter but nearly did not make it through last night.

3:00am: "squawk, squaaawk, I am screaming, can't you hear there is a varmint trying to snuff out my existence." (that would be Cleo).

Beyonce and I bolt out of our sleep and ran out the back door, neither of us were wearing anything on our feet and if you know Beyonce, you know she hates getting her feet wet--not only had it been raining, but the ice was still on the ground left over from  a whole winter's worth  of snow (the north side of the deck). Tim was there right behind us. Beyonce ran around the coop.

Beyonce: "Ruff, ruff, ruff, I raw rat rarmint rith my Reo in its routh. I reached in and rabbed the thing. I rulled it out of the ricken crage, rrrh. I ras rad. rext ring I row, we ras rrestling and rrighting. Rit ras rissing and I raid it on its rack. My rumens raid it ras a racoon. Ruff, ruff rururruff, it ras gone."

Cleo: "Bawk, she really did save me, bawk. Of course I was glad. Bel hid up on the bawk bawk perch so that varmint couldn't see her bawk. We were both glad to get inside the coop. Bawk, bawk"

The chickens are fine, The coop has been tightened and varmint proofed. All possible entries are secure. But Beyonce, Chicken Guardian, will remain alert.


Ruff ruff! Rust ry and rome rack you rarmint!